


She is...

by TinderWulf



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Feels, POV Outsider, Psychologists & Psychiatrists
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-04-27 09:57:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 10,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14422944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinderWulf/pseuds/TinderWulf
Summary: A fill for the kinkmeme: "Prompt: ME3: Escaping on the Normandy with the rest of the refit crew is an Alliance psychiatrist who insists on evaluating the crew.Since they no longer give a rat's ass about evaluations, Shepard (and others?) hold nothing back."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> What started out as a fun, free fic turned into something a little different. I hope the OP still enjoy's the work. 
> 
> As usual, I own nothing.

**Omnitool Recording…**

The Normandy has just reached the Citadel and unloaded an injured Ashley Williams. As per my instructions, any sessions I have with the crew of this ship will be transcribed and sent directly to Admiral Hackett of the Alliance as well as recorded to my personal session files. 

My observations thus far are as expected. The few crew members on board are tense and scared. Shepard’s presence seems to invigorate them in a way I haven’t seen before. The crew members are more calm and focused after speaking with the Commander. This is an extraordinary feat in war time.

Ashley Williams injury seems to have affected the Commander, which is to be expected since learning of their former close friendship before the Normandy SV1 was shot down. 

Having Liara T’Soni on board has yet to affect anyone’s behavior, telling me they trust the Commander far more than I anticipated. This may end up becoming a problem as I move through the crew during my evaluations. 

While the Commander is aboard the Citadel, I will start with the pilot of the Normandy. Jeff “Joker” Moreau.

**Pause recording…**

_Recording Paused…_

There was a flurry of activity in the cargo hold as supplies were loaded. The window on the engineering deck offered a full view of the cargo hold. Tina Erickson was currently in search of a room to bunk in. With her work, she wanted the privacy.

“My apologies, Ms. Erickson,” the blue VI orb said. “This room, as well as the other private quarters, are remained locked unless the Captain of the Normandy assigns the room to you.”

“I see,” she said with a sigh. “Thank you.”

Tina would just have to talk with Shepard then. This room to the far right was secluded enough to speak freely.

With Shepard currently on the Citadel, Tina had nothing to do but head to the helm.


	2. Chapter 2

**Omnitool Recording…**

Tina: Flight Lieutenant?

Moreau: Yeah, what is it?

T: How are you feeling?

M: Seriously? Asking the cripple how he’s feeling?

T: _*Sigh*_ I mean in general, how are your stress levels fairing?

M: A race of sentient machine intent on eradicating all life in our galaxy have finally showed up after years of warnings from Shepard, and you’re asking me how the hell I’m doing? If you idiots would have pulled your heads from your asses long enough to _glance_ at the evidence we’ve collected, we could have been a lot more prepared. But no. You called my Commander a lunatic. She died by the way. Fucking died! Then I get grounded and I figure, what the hell. If Cerberus can bring back Commander Shepard, I’ll wear their ugly ass colors long enough to complete a mission.

T: When di…

M: So I do and the Commander blows the Collector’s to hell, destroys their base so it wouldn’t fall into Cerberus hands, then she TURNS HERSELF IN to the fucking admiralty board only to be stripped of her rank while my baby is gutted and poked and prodded. Nothing is right, someone fucked with my controls. But was that enough? Hell no…

T: Mr. Moreau.

M: They snagged something sharp on my leather seat. THAT. WAS. MADE. FOR. ME. But did they stop there? _*humorless laugh*_ No, of course not. There are fucking finger prints on my outside cameras! I can’t clean them. Can you clean them? I didn’t fucking think so. 

T: Sir…

M: So not only is my chair off, my controls scrambled, and my sight altered… We’re being invaded by giant robots and Shepard is out there probably fighting with the council, again, so they get off their fucking asses and finally do something. And you want to know how I’m feeling? FUCKING PEACHY!

T: Thank you for your time, Flight Lieutenant.

M: Yeah. Yeah, whatever.

**Recording Stopped.**

_After interview notes:_

_Mr. Moreau exhibits anger at the helm being tampered with. According to my files, he was temporarily relieved of duty before disappearing. After returning to Earth, he was put on leave. There was no indication in the files that he was going to be piloting the Normandy under Admiral Anderson._

_The stress of the invasion on top of the non-serious issues at the helm tell me that he is under a great deal of stress. At this moment, it is hard to say whether or not he is fit for duty. Observing him outside the helm will be crucial for the information I need to make such a judgement._

_I find myself somewhat concerned with his loyalty to Shepard. He indicated that the Commander was his only reason for joining Cerberus after the Alliance grounded him. Surely one person couldn’t hold such sway over people to join a terrorist organization? I will observe and find my answers._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just noticed that this is my 50th fic posted. **50th Mass Effect fic.** I hope no one is planning an intervention.

Commander Jane Shepard was a small woman, Tina thought, as she sipped her coffee at the mess hall table. She watched as men and women stood up straighter in Shepard’s presence. Even if the Commander wasn’t looking in their direction. It was odd to Tina. 

The asari, Liara, exited her room making her way to the Commander. Tina wasn’t allowed in that room. No one was except the Commander, as far as she knew. From her experiences, asari were a little more territorial than humans. But her experiences with aliens were miniscule.

Tina took her chance as the Commander was walking by her, “Commander, can I have a moment of your time?”

“Yes, what is it?” Shepard asked roughly.

“I was wondering if you could assign me a room on the engineering deck,” Tina said as she set her cup on the table and gave the Commander a smile Tina has perfected over the years. It always got her what she wanted. Years of training in body language had paid off in the previous years. It was always surprising how easy it was to manipulate a person.

“You’ll bunk with the crew, Ms. Erickson,” Shepard said before turning and following the asari into her quarters. 

To be honest, Tina felt a little offended. Brushed off. How the hell had that not worked? It always worked. With a sigh, she stood to place her cup in the sink.

“We wash our own dishes,” Doctor Chakwas informed her as Tina turned to leave.

“Isn’t there somebody that does that?” Tina asked.

“No, we wash our own dishes and prepare our own meals,” Karin said as she poured herself a cup of coffee. “If you get the last cup of coffee, you make more.”

“It was my understanding that there was a cook,” Tina said as she turned the water on. The rumors...

“We did have one on our last mission, but until we have one we take care of ourselves,” the doctor interrupted her thoughts. “And even after we do, the Commander expects you to clean up after yourself and not leave dishes for other people to do.”

“I see,” Tina said as she dried and put away her cup.

“Now, I expect you to follow me to the medbay for your physical evaluation,” Chakwas said as she turned on her heel.

“Oh, I don’t need one,” Tina said using the smile that usually worked until recently. “I’m just a psychiatrist.”

“On the order of Commander Shepard, anyone that resides on this ship, no matter how short their stay, will have a physical done,” Chakwas said, not bothering looking back at her. “Report to the medbay within the hour.”

This was not going as easily as she hoped. With a quiet sigh, Tina followed the doctor into the medbay to get the physical over with. She might as well use the time to interview the ship’s doctor.

**Omnitool Recording…**

Karin Chakwas: Strip and put this robe on. Opening in the back.

Tina: What made you join the last mission?

KC: Commander Shepard.

T: She forced you?

KC: What? Of course not. I took a leave of absence and joined the crew when Cerberus made the offer.

T: For Shepard?

KC: Yes, of course.

T: What if Cerberus had been telling you lies?

KC: _*snort*_ I am by no means ignorant, child. Lay back. I was kept in the loop on the Commander’s progress. When I got proof of life, I dropped everything to be here.

T: Why?

KC: Because it’s Commander Shepard! I’ve been her doctor for a decade. Should I leave her care in the hands of the enemy? Or Jeff’s? 

T: So you came, then and now? Leaving behind Huerta this time just to take care of her?

KC: I came because she needed me. 

T: Just that easy?

KC: I have watched that woman rise and fall and rise again. There is no one in this galaxy like her, Ms. Erickson. 

T: Do you realize that the crew, past and present, consider you to be the ship ‘Mom’?

KC: It’s a title I wear with pride. They are my family. Some come and go, but a handful have always been here. Take deep, slow breaths while I scan you.

…  
…  
…  
…

KC: All done. When was your last menstrual cycle?

T: _*Unable to transcribe.*_

KC: Birth control?

T: _*Unable to transcribe._

KC: Okay, you’re all set.

T: Why did you leave Huerta to be here, Doctor? I can’t help but be curious.

KC: I go where the Commander goes. Simple as that.

**Recording Stopped.**

It was frustrating trying to do this job without her normal preparation. She only had access to the crew roster from the last mission. Admiral Hackett didn’t have time to send her files on the current crew, she had no baseline. Nothing. 

All she had was gossip and rumors mixed in with the tiniest bit of factual events. She was just going to have to be careful on how she asked questions. Especially if they came from rumors.

Tina Erickson could do this. She’d practiced this in school. Files were not always available, and depending on the mission a lot of files could be blacked out. She would just have to make her own timeline based on interviews, starting with Shepard’s induction into the Spectre’s.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be advised that I have ZERO training in psychology. 
> 
> I also have no beta, so please ignore mistakes or grammar.

How was she supposed to work while bunking in these quarters? Bunking with the crew was not something she was handling well. There was always noise. Snoring, talking, movies. It was hard to concentrate. As it was, they called her _Ms. Erickson._ Like they were intentionally making sure she knew where she stood on this ship. They don’t say it with a gentleness that they say Mr. Vega. 

[Vega and Liara, report to the armory.] Shepard commanded over the intercom.

It sounded like a mission. Tina quickly took the stairs down to the engineering deck so she could observe. This was what she was here for. It shouldn’t matter if she wasn’t _Doctor Erickson_ , part of the crew. It stung, but she wasn’t here to fit in. That wasn’t why she stayed, she reminded herself.

Tina waited patiently until the Commander joined the two currently putting on armor. She hummed in thought as the asari gave Shepard a hug before the Commander began suiting up herself. That was odd. Everything she read on Shepard, that Tina could get her hands on, said she was a cold and distant person. Not unusual for Special Forces, especially of her rank. But the woman’s soft smile to the asari and easy comradery with Lt. Vega said otherwise.

This would require longer observation before interviewing Shepard. Special Forces were the hardest to crack.

Tina watched them load into the shuttle before turning on her heel and entering Engineering. It would be as good of time as any to speak with Adams.

**Omnitool Recording…**

Engineer Adams: This area is off limits, Ms. Erickson.

Tina: The doors were open, so I thought I’d take the time to chat with you.

A: Outside the door then.

T: Why aren’t I allowed inside Engineering?

A: That’s classified.

T: I have clearance.

A: Not Shepard’s clearance. EDI?

VI: Noted, Engineer Adams.

T: What was your mission on the original Normandy?

A: To bring down a rogue Spectre.

T: But you aided in stealing the ship.

A: Yes, I did. It was fantastic, Ms. Erickson. Steal the Normandy, save the galaxy. 

T: Are you suggesting that Shepard saved the galaxy while hunting a rogue spectre?

A: Suggesting? Hell no. Confirming? Yes. Sovereign was a reaper and in case you haven’t noticed, there are thousands just like him invading right now.

T: And Saren?

A: Indoctrinated.

T: I see. Why didn’t you join Shepard on her pervious mission?

A: I wasn’t able to get leave. 

T: And if you had?

A: Then I would have been here. I go where Shepard goes. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.

T: Of course, thank you.

**Recording stopped.**

_Notes:_

_A pattern is emerging that worries me. How can one person receive so much respect and unwavering support? Perhaps it’s too early to tell. I’ve only finished three cursory interviews. Hopefully I’ll learn more of Shepard as I progress._


	5. Chapter 5

Crew began scrambling when lights started flickering. Were they under attack?

[Come on, EDI! Give me something!] Joker yelled over the intercom. [Shepard, we have a problem with EDI.]

“Liara’s on her way,” Shepard returned, the words broadcasting all over the ship. 

Then there was gunfire on Shepard’s end that quickly cut off. The elevator wasn’t working so Tina quickly took the stairs to the CIC only to find people hustling as they tried to get information for Shepard. The war room was likely in the same organized chaos. But of course, she wasn’t allowed in there either. 

As quickly as the ship’s chaos started. It stopped. 

“EDI?” Joker said from the helm. “Come on, talk to me.”

“No response on my end either, Joker!” an ensign yelled from the CIC. 

“The VI is down?” Tina asked Traynor. The woman gave her an odd look before confirming. “What will that effect?”

“My apologies, Ms. Erickson, I’m a little busy right now trying to keep Shepard up-to-date on logistics,” Traynor said not bothering to spare Tina a glance as the woman’s fingers flew over the terminal.

Now Tina prided herself on keeping her face calm at all times. She was very highly trained. But when Liara burst through the stairwell door, completely covered in battle excrement, Tina couldn’t help but gag at the smell. Making the sight of whatever was covering her even worse.

“You get used to it,” Traynor said as Tina watched the asari jog to the helm.

“What was that?” Tina whispered as she tried to calm her stomach.

“Reaper goop,” an analyst replied. “The collector goop was just as bad. You do get used to it.”

Tina really didn’t want to ever get used to such a stench. It smelled worse than death. 

[Ladies and Gentlemen, Shepard has the Primarch. She needs Zaeed’s old quarters set up for his stay.]

Making her way to the helm, as soon as Liara left, Tina stopped behind the pilot’s chair. “I thought there wasn’t an XO yet?”

“There is an XO, they just aren’t here,” Joker replied tersely. 

Not here? How is there an absent XO on a ship?

[Joker, it’s Traynor,] a voice said through the intercom. [Do we have any turian pillows?]

Turian pillows? This was a really confusing ship.

“Shepard picked some up on the Citadel. Look in crate AZ-197H,” Joker replied easily.

“Why does she need turian pillows?” Tina asked.

Joker sighed, “Because the Primarch is turian, duh.”

[Found them! And bed coverings, thanks, Joker!]

“Shepard buys turian bedding for guests?”

“Yes,” Joker replied. “Go away, I’m working.”

\--

Tina watched as Shepard approached the helm still smelling of battle. She wasn’t sure what Joker said, but it made the Commander throw her head back and laugh before she stole the man’s hat, ruffled his hair, and planted a kiss before returning the hat.

This was quickly turning out to be far more confusing that she originally thought. Cold and rigid people don’t playfully kiss their pilot. It was inappropriate anyway! 

Then the ship vibrated and Shepard took off in a dead run, the stairwell door opening before she got to it. Tina followed.

\--

“An AI!? You have an AI on board?” Tina screeched unprofessionally. She was _not_ trained for this.

“I would hate to have to kill you should the information ever get out,” The AI said causing the Commander to chuckle. Why was this funny?

“It’s classified, Ms. Erickson, and I expect you to keep it that way or I’ll throw you out of the airlock with Hackett’s blessing,” Shepard said with a threatening smile. 

Tina froze, there was the cold-hearted N7 she expected to see. Not the one that warmly kissed the pilot. “Of course, Commander,” Tina whispered immediately.

“Good, now if you’ll excuse me, I have an XO to formally greet and turian leadership to speak with.”

Tina watched as the Commander turned on her heel and made her way down the catwalk to the Main Battery. She hadn’t been allowed in that room either. 

“EDI, I’m sure Joker would like to see your new mobile platform,” Doctor Chakwas said with a warm smile to the metal being in front of her, Tina completely ignored.

“Yes, I believe he would,” EDI replied. “Ms. Erickson.” Her voice cool and formal. And a little frightening if Tina was honest. An AI? This job was quickly taking her out of her comfort zone. Doubts crept in against her will. Hackett had been hesitant to leave her on the Normandy. At first she thought it was because of the Commander, and it probably was. She was rumored to have left her last psychiatrist in tears, but Tina was sure that wasn’t true.

But Tina was tough. This wasn’t her first hardened soldier. But it was her first N7 and Tina couldn’t help but notice the vast difference. But she could do this, damn it. She could do this.


	6. Chapter 6

Dinner on the Normandy was a rather loud affair. Too loud for Tina, but this was merely for observation. Her MRE was rather bland, but the lack of decent food didn’t dampen the spirits of the crew. They laughed and spoke as they ate. It was a little disheartening to think that these people were this used to packaged meals. Tina wasn’t, not in the slightest. But the crew ate with enthusiasm.

The turian in blue armor seemed to be a little too close to Shepard, his armor repeatedly brushing the Commander. They leaned into each other as they spoke quietly, obviously very comfortable with the closeness. Then there was the other turian, the Primarch, who’d yet to make much of an appearance.

“EDI have you updated the XO’s information?” Shepard asked out loud, though EDI was nowhere to be seen. Finally, Tina would know who the XO was, especially since everyone was so tight lipped about it.

[I have, Shepard. Reaper Advisor Vakarian’s information has been logged.] EDI replied.

Vakarian? The turian that was with her since the beginning? How the hell does a turian get the XO title on a _human_ Alliance ship? This didn’t sit well with her. Favoritism? Shepard being manipulated? Too many variables. But it easily explained the closeness and comradery they were showing. How could she not have known it was Garrus Vakarian? 

[We’re an hour out from Grissom, Shepard,] Joker announced over the intercom. The pilot rarely joined the meals, but with his condition, it was probably safer that way.

“Garrus, EDI, you’re up in rotation,” Shepard said as she finished the last of her meal.

“Understood, Commander,” Vakarian replied as he quickly finished the last of his dextro MRE.

Tina was hoping to get to interview him next. Especially since he’d been with Shepard since her hunt for Saren. Surely he would have some vital information as to Shepard’s personality traits and command procedure.

“Primarch, we’ll call the summit as soon as I take care of this,” Shepard said as the Primarch entered the mess hall before excusing herself from the table. An N7 with table manners. That was interesting. Wait…

What? A political meeting headed by Shepard? This ship gave her a headache. There was too much going on at once and everyone else seemed to just take it in stride. 

With a sigh, Tina dropped her package in the recycle bin. This job was a far cry from her normal office. If she even had an office anymore. Had she not been on the ship at the time of the evacuation, she’d still be on Earth. Likely dead because she couldn’t handle a gun to save her life. 

Returning to her bunk, she set up her omnitool to listen in on the squad during their mission. She hadn’t been locked out of that. Yet.

As it was, her bunkmate was an annoying reporter that the crew seemed to tolerate less than Tina herself. She supposed she should be thankful that she looked less like a bad guy. Her job title closed people up faster than any other profession. Except maybe a reporter, she thought with satisfaction.

\--

Jack Zero, also known as Psychotic Biotic by the students at the mess table. Tina waited until the slender woman had her students taken care of before getting her attention. There was all kinds of rumors floating around the ship about the biotic. Most of them Tina wrote off as simple exaggerations. But some, including the Cerberus affiliation in Jack’s childhood that interested Tina.

**Omnitool recording…**

Jack: What ff…hell do you want?

Tina: You served with Shepard on the last mission.

J: No shit, Sherlock.

T: How did Shepard recruit you?

J: From prison.

T: Oh. I thought that a rumor.

J: *snort* The Alliance gave me a fresh start.

T: Why did you agree to work with Cerberus, especially since your background with them?

J: I didn’t work for Cerberus, I worked for Shepard. Big difference.

T: Why did you agree to work with Shepard on a Cerberus vessel?

J: Because the prison was going down in flames. Get on the ship or die. Hey! Finish your juice box and hit the showers!

Unknown: Yes, Ma’am!

J: Listen. Shepard is cool. She let me blow up the old torture home I lived in so I stuck with her. Turns out, she cared enough to set me up with a future.

T: So you just took it?

J: No fucking shit, lady. You don’t see the horrors we saw and not prepare for it.

T: She recommended your students for support roles. What are your thoughts on that?

J: You’ve got to be a real fucking idiot to not do what she says. Shepard says my kids are best suited to support our military, then I’m going to back her.

T: I see. So her word is law?

J: _*snort*_ Fuck yes it is. The sooner you accept that, the easier it’ll be. You’ll see.

T: I’m not a member of the crew in a normal sense.

J: You think that matters? The last head doctor thought the same thing. Open your eyes!

T: So you just do what you’re told?

J: Fuck no. I do what Shepard tells me. I go where she tells me to go. Now fuck off. I need a shower.

**Recording Stopped.**

_Notes:_

_Jack turned out to be far more…lively than I expected. Past abuse and torture. Yet she joined Shepard on a Cerberus ship. Does Shepard have the power to will people to her side? Hypnosis maybe?_

_This is quickly becoming more frustrating._

_Jack’s appearance seems to have softened during her six months with the Alliance if the glance I got at a holo is anything to go by. But she still has immense loyalty for Shepard. I can’t help but wonder if this could cause trouble for the Alliance in the future. I need to further investigate the previous ‘head doctor’._


	7. Chapter 7

Krogan were easily an intimidating species, Tina thought as she watched the large, blood red krogan follow Shepard to the war room. Urdnot Wrex, clan leader and Shepard’s old squadmate. The information flew through the crew quarters. Tina couldn’t help but take as many notes as possible. Rumors were quickly becoming her education on this ship.

Shepard seemed to know _a lot_ of high-ranking people. 

Tensions were high on the CIC, but the crew were surprisingly professional considering none of them had training in politics or anything even remotely close to it. Having the Alliance ranks did help though. They must have. 

**Omnitool Recording…**

Tina: Ms. T’Soni?

Liara: Yes, Ms. Erickson?

T: Could you give me a few minutes of your time, please?

L: I’m busy. Perhaps later.

T: Busy with what?

L: Classified, Ms. Erickson.

_*growl*_

**Recording Stopped.**

Classified. They threw that word around just to avoid her, she knew. It was so damn aggravating! _Aggravating, aggravating, aggravating._ Her new favorite word on the Normandy. With a calming breath, she decided she might as well approach the next on her list.

**Omnitool Recording…**

Tina: EDI, can I have a moment of your time, please?

EDI: No.

T: Why?

E: Because I’m above your paygrade, Ms. Erickson.

T: Since I’m on the ship, Admiral Hackett asked me to evaluate the crew…

Jeff: EDI is the ship, so she doesn’t count on your precious little shrink list.

E: Thank you, Jeff.

J: You’re welcome.

E: My eyes are up here, Jeff.

J: Don’t I know it.

**Recording Stopped.**

That’s okay. It was a long shot. Oh, who was she kidding? Today has been a total bust so far. 

[Garrus, Liara, report to the armory. Now.] Shepard said angrily over the intercom.

Crew stood at attention as soon as the door to the war room opened, an angry krogan clan leader, turian primarch, and human commander exiting. Their silence heavy as they waited for the elevator. 

The meeting had not gone well. That wasn’t surprising. Shepard wasn’t a politician. She was a highly trained marine. Special Forces. Assassin. Professional Killer. 

It didn’t matter how nicely you wrapped it up. She was trained to kill in the name of the Alliance. 

Tina laughed softly. Shepard was no slick talking politician.

The salarian dalatrass was the next to exit the war room. But she headed for the airlock and she didn’t look pleased.

“Thank you for using Commander Shepard Airlines,” Joker said as the dalatrass passed through the door.

The pilot seemed to have a lot of bitterness seething beneath the surface. Anger was there, naturally. But bitterness at what? Leadership? Possibly. Probably because of Shepard. The Commander’s _softness_ for the pilot could be manipulating him to align with her. 

This was worrisome. Could Shepard be a master manipulator? So far Tina had only interviewed people that have served with her for long periods. Perhaps Tina needed to talk with one of the newest crew.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, I have no training in psychology. If you're here for a fanfic written by someone that has training, or knows someone who does, you're in the wrong place. 
> 
> If you don't like how the _Fan Fiction_ is written, then don't read. 
> 
> I own nothing.

**Omnitool Recording…**

Tina: Excuse me, Lt. Vega, do you have a few minutes?

Vega: _*Grunt*_ Yeah, I guess.

T: Do you always burn energy with chin ups?

V: I exercise anytime there’s a lull in work.

T: How long have you known Shepard?

V: Six months.

T: You were her body guard during her containment, correct?

V: Yes.

T: You don’t think she should have been imprisoned?

V: Hell no I don’t. And neither did Admiral Hackett or Anderson.

T: Why?

V: Are you blind? Do you not see what’s happening out there? Shepard warned them for years!

T: I’m very aware of what’s going on.

V: Then why ask a stupid question?

T: Was Shepard imprisoned for her safety?

V: Do you know how many attempts on her life there was? No? That’s right it _was_ classified. I’ll tell you. Seventeen.

T: Seventeen?

V: Seventeen failed assassinations. For hire assassins. We moved her to a dozen locations before she told Anderson it was enough. 

T: How were the situations handled?

V: _*Laughter*_ Usually with a knife. But once a frying pan.

T: You?

V: No. Lola.

T: Lola?

V: Mierda. Shepard is Lola. In case you didn’t know, she is an infiltrator. She knows how to create a trap most don't see. Hell, according to Lola, the only person that could best her was the drell assassin that was with her during her Collector mission. Thane gave Shepard _more_ education in the art.

T: That’s awfully conceited on her part.

V: Ask anyone in the Alliance who their best infiltrator is. They’ll all say Shepard, because she is. That’s not having a big ego. That’s a fact.

T: You idolize her.

V: I watched that tiny, ferocious woman through a lot of her career. Is she my idol? No. Is there hero worship? Yes, a little. But reading and hearing everything she’s done in her career has been inspiring. I wanted to be her as a younger man. I wanted to be that person that was strong enough to hold off hundreds of slavers single handedly while protecting innocent lives.

T: What changed?

V: Fehl Prime. Being Shepard’s guard. The Reaper’s invading.

T: How did those change you?

V: I was angry at Shepard. In awe of her, yes, her aura is insanely powerful. But angry.

T: Why?

V: Because I realized that in order to be as strong as she was meant I had to be devastated by mountains of loss and overcome it.

T: And Shepard has experienced devastation?

V: Do you know nothing of her life? 

T: I know what isn’t classified.

V: Then you know very little. I will tell you that she is the strongest person I’ve ever met. But what she’s suffered…it’s not my place to tell.

T: You don’t think she’s manipulating you with your knowledge of her past?

V: Do you think that I know because she told me? Because if you do, you’re stupid. Shepard is an extremely private person with a lot of things. 

T: Then how do you know?

V: That’s classified. How I learned is classified. Everything about her is classified. Even the meal she had for breakfast is classified. That’s how much the Alliance appreciates her. The air you’re currently inhaling? You might as well consider that classified too.

T: I see.

V: No, I really don’t think you do. You think because I haven’t known her long that I’d spill her secrets. Never going to happen. Maybe you think you can twist information out of me because most muscled up men aren’t smart enough to watch what they say. Sorry, sweet cheeks. I know better. Lola is the hardest working marine I have ever met. She’s loyal, brave, honest, and has high morals. She expects that from her crew. You’re looking for dirt where there’s marble. 

T: You look up to her.

V: I haven’t come across one person, no matter the species, that doesn’t look up to and respect her. 

T: I see.

V: Not yet. But maybe you will. A krogan calls her a sister. She raised a krogan son. Her partner is turian. She considers Chakwas her mom, Joker her brother, and Liara her sister. You know nothing about her because you refuse to just take it in. You’re too busy analyzing and comparing her to interviews or files. Stop looking at the crew like crew, and start seeing us all as a family. Because we are.

T: Thank you for your time, Lt. Vega.

**Recording Stopped.**

_Notes:_

_I’m not sure where to go from here. Lt. Vega has given me a wealth of information to process and consider before I approach the next person on the ship. Learning that Shepard has taken a turian partner is rather surprising, especially since she’s the face of humanity._

_James Vega himself seems to be level-headed. Down to earth. He seems to have processed Fehl Prime in a healthy manner. At least from what I learned of the mission he’s handled it well. He uses his free time to better himself physically. Exercise has proven to be a good meditation technique for many soldiers in the past and it seems to have helped Lt. Vega in a positive manner._

_His work station was organized though I do worry about the cot in the corner. I know for fact that he has a bunk in the crew quarters. With everyone on unpredictable shifts, I haven’t noticed whether or not he’s been using it._

 

Tina closed her notes and sighed. How the hell was she supposed to process all of this. Shepard is an orphan, that much is known. But she seems to have adopted family throughout her career. But a turian boyfriend? What the hell. How does that even work on an intimate setting? Tina shuddered, she really didn't want to know.

A headache was forming from the stress. She was supposed to help take the stress away from the crew but they seem to be doing just fine. Tina on the other hand…

Urdnot Wrex, brother. Urdnot Grunt, son. Doctor T’Soni, sister. Flight Lt. Moreau, brother. Shepard made her own family. Mostly non-humans. Tina had no experience with non-humans before this stint. It wasn’t that she was ignorant to their existence, it was just she only worked with humans. Mostly Alliance, and very few civilians. _On Earth._ Hell, she’d never left Alliance space.

In the short amount of time on this ship, Tina’s entire way of thinking and working had been turned upside down. She had no more information that she could use on understanding Shepard than she had in the beginning. No way to build a profile simply because everything she knew of counteracted everything she saw and heard and that counteracted everything she read. Holy shit.

Perhaps Vega was right. She was looking at this ship all wrong. Tina needed to take a step back and see the ship as a family. An odd, multispecies, sometimes insane family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Yesterday was...a hard day to say the least. I appreciate all your kind and popcorn obsessed comments, they totally help :)
> 
> In case you were wondering, the kinkmeme is now here: https://masseffectkink.dreamwidth.org/9443.html?page=29


	9. Chapter 9

When Tina woke up and stumbled into the mess hall for coffee, she caught sight of a new krogan and a salarian in the medbay. Once again, Shepard was showing a softness that was completely out of character in Tina’s mind and information. All Shepard has shown her is frigid professionalism. Tina was an outsider.

With a sigh, she leaned against the counter. Tina still had several priority interviews to conduct just to be sure they were of sound mind. Then she could talk to Shepard. 

Garrus came around the corner making a beeline to the medbay. He didn’t seem to be in a rush, but he covered the distance easily with his long strides. Tina watched as the turian nodded to something the salarian was saying before he scooped up the laughing Commander and exited the medbay.

“I _can_ walk, you know,” Shepard said with a smirk, looking up to the turian like he was the only one in the room. And perhaps Shepard thought they were alone, but then again maybe she just didn’t care. This crew was her family according to Lt. Vega.

“You’re dead on your feet,” Garrus replied softly.

“I’m not too tired for everything,” she said as they disappeared around the corner to the elevator. Tina was just going to have to pretend she hadn’t stayed up half the night wondering how turians and humans had sex. It wasn’t professional.

The people on this ship were an odd bunch. They shouldn’t work so well together, and yet, they did. At least from what Tina had seen. They were all very respectful of each other as people and as different species. Tina had seen no evidence of xenophobia. Except maybe her own when it was known that a turian was an XO on a human vessel. She still wasn’t ready to deal with that.

“EDI?” Tina said into the air.

“Yes, Ms. Erickson,” EDI answered, appearing next to her. “My apologies, I did not intend to startle you.”

“I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings, it’s not your fault,” Tina said as EDI refilled a coffee cup. “Who has the deck when Shepard and Vakarian are resting?”

“As you may have noticed, there is no night or day shift. Shepard never knows when she is needed, so she sleeps when she can,” EDI answered. “When Shepard is asleep, there are no missions being ran. You could consider it the night shift if you would like to. Only intel is being compiled and prepared for her when she awakens.”

“How does she choose the importance of missions? It’s my understanding that every mission she receives is high-priority.”

“That is correct,” EDI replied. “However you can still determine what is needed to be taken care of immediately as opposed to what can be stalled.”

Tina understood. “Has she ever delegated missions to other squad members?”

“Yes, but only those not Spectre or Alliance related.”

“Thank you, EDI” Tina said as she refilled her own cup.

With a nod, EDI left the mess hall, likely to return to Joker.

What she’s learned so far is hard to piece together probably because she herself was making it difficult. Tina does know that Shepard doesn’t favor any one person on the ship. The only person in the crew to get their own quarters were Liara, but if Tina’s hunch was right, the room contained computers for information gathering, and the VI Glyph that she’d heard likely sorted through it all. Victus got the room Tina had wanted for herself. Wrex seemed to have taken over the quarters in the Main Battery, where Tina assumed Garrus once occupied, depending on the length of the leaders courtship. Joker had a small private quarters that was made specifically for his needs, so that was understandable. The room even offered him less gravity when he needed it. Shepard was extremely accommodating.

There was still Life Support that was empty, a space under engineering that had a cot, and an odd room that was nearly hidden next to the staircase. It almost looked like a quarantine room. Then on the opposite side, was a room that looked more like a cell. Tina supposed with all the work Shepard did, both rooms would be needed at one point or another.

Tina also learned that perhaps Shepard wasn’t as cold as the sparse files and vids made her out to be. What Tina made her out to be. Shepard’s stoic professionalism was impressive. But so was the fondness Tina had seen. Seeing the softness made her brain do flips as she tried to take in the new information.

All in all, it had been productive thus far. In ways she hadn’t expected, but she was learning. She was trying to learn anyway. It was hard when her brain was so damn stubborn.

With the captain in bed, the squadmates would probably take the opportunity to rest. Tina had no doubt they would all need it. Instead of preparing herself for another interview today, she decided to follow their example. 

With the crew now at full capacity, there was a lot to do on the ship. Inventory was one, and since they were returning to the Citadel, an ensign begin the long process of taking inventory while others rested. 

“Give me a scanner, and I’ll help,” Tina said as she set her coffee aside.

The man didn’t even think twice before he pulled one of a drawer and handed it over. 

Crew came and went all over the ship. They grabbed protein bars and water instead of sitting down for a meal, then they were back to work gathering information as they waited for the others to wake and replace them. When the Normandy’s Captain returned to duty, the crew and ship would be ready.

Tina couldn’t help but be envious. She’d never had this kind of support in her life. And to be honest, the Normandy felt just a little dimmer without the fiery red-head walking the decks.


	10. Chapter 10

**Omnitool Recording…**

Tina: Mordin, do you have a moment?

Mordin: No, busy.

T: With what?

M: Classified.

T: I hear that term a lot on this ship.

M: Could kill you. Would prefer to.

T: Excuse me?

M: Interrupting. Leave.

Eve: I would do as he says, STG agents don’t make false threats.

T: Oh, of course. My apologies.

 

Holy shit that was disorienting. Quickly shaking her head, she spotted Garrus leaving the main battery. The XO had been in charge of the ship while Shepard ran a mission with others. It was rare that the pair didn’t sleep at the same time, but it did happen depending on what was needed and who Shepard needed on the field.

**Omnitool Recording…**

Tina: XO Vakarian, can I have a moment of your time?

Garrus: Was there something you need?

T: It’s my understanding that you’ve been with the Commander since before she was named the first human spectre.

G: Yes.

T: How were you able to make that happen?

G: Quit my job, took a position on the ship.

T: That simple?

G: Mostly. Is there something specific you need, Ms. Erickson? I’m on my way to wake Shepard.

T: How _does_ one wake a special forces soldier?

G: Sex.

T: Excuse me?

G: I fuck her into oblivion. Any other questions?

T: How does your personal relationship transfer to professional?

G: It doesn’t. I take her to bed when she’s tired. Outside of her cabin she’s the captain and my commanding officer. 

T: But doesn’t the personal relationship make taking or giving orders and opinions more difficult?

G: Shepard expects her squad to give opinions. Sometimes she takes it and uses it, other times she doesn’t. She is a professional above all else when she’s in uniform. 

T: And when she’s not?

G: Then I’m normally buried inside her making her scream.

T: That’s not what I meant, Mr. Vakarian.

G: _*Dual-tone sigh*_ I know what you meant. She has been trying to prepare for this for years. Only now are people backing her. She is carrying the weight of the galaxy. Sex is a huge stress reliever no matter the species. All she does is work. She’s never selfish, she never takes time for herself. Shepard is rarely out of uniform. Imagine being a Commander every waking moment.

T: You had hoped to scare me off with bluntness.

G: Yes, humans do turn colors when sex is mentioned in public. Now, if you’ll excuse me, my mate needs to be awakened.

**Recording stopped.**

_Notes: Speaking with the ship’s XO gave me more than I hoped for. It is common knowledge that sex is a stress reliever, and I have experience with soldiers that use it as so in a healthy manner. I wasn’t thrown off in the slightest like he hoped I would be. The XO himself seem to be quite focused. While on the Citadel, I’ve heard he helps in the refugee bay. This is something I’d like to see for myself. Turians are professionals at war. I have no concerns regarding Garrus Vakarian at this time as he seems to be handling the stress quite well._

_My concerns with his being the XO of the Normandy are slowly dissipating. He shows a natural ability to lead and the crew highly respect his past work with Shepard and his position as their leader. It is different to see but from what I learned, Hackett chose crew based on their ability and their work around other species. Admiral Hackett expected Shepard to have a multispecies crew and he accommodated. I can’t help but he impressed._

_Garrus’ devotion to Shepard is clear to see. They don’t hide their affections in front of the crew. The crew soak up the positive energy and act in much the same manner. I can’t help but think the simple act of the leader’s holding hands at the mess table softens the crew and alleviates stress. Shepard herself seems to know this. It’s not unlike children following their parent’s lead._

* * *

**Omnitool Recording…**

Tina: Ms. T’Soni, do you have a moment?

Liara: _*sigh*_ Let me make myself perfectly clear, Ms. Erickson. I’m of sound mental health. I go where Shepard goes or where she tells me to go. She is the most experienced person in the entire galaxy where the Reapers are concerned. And no, I do not have time, nor will I submit to a psychiatric evaluation. Lastly, it’s Doctor T’Soni.

T: *Aggravated growl*

**Recording Stopped.**

The only thing more frustrating than uncooperative patients was the superior tone they used. But she was right, Tina should have addressed her as Doctor. She is the lead expert in Prothean knowledge. No matter, there was plenty left to do on the ship. Plenty to observe.


	11. Chapter 11

Tina listened to the battle raging on the surface below them. It was anxiety inducing to say the least, but she couldn’t deny how well the ground teams worked together as they were racing to some tower on Tuchanka. 

The next person on her list to interview was Grunt. The commander’s adopted son, but Chakwas wouldn’t let her in the medbay.

Apparently, he’d been injured on a mission. Tina had been asleep when the mission happened, so she had no clue what was going on and no one was speaking of it. How could she expect them to when their minds were clearly on this mission?

When the shuttle was incoming, Tina made her way back down to engineering to see who was available. EDI had been no help. Observing would have to do for the moment until Cortez or another crew member had a lull in their work.

But what she saw surprised her. 

Grunt limped towards the settling shuttle with Garrus on his heels. Tina inhaled sharply when the shuttle door opened to a sobbing N7 marine, Vega holding her up as Liara exited and entered the elevator. It was utterly heartbreaking to see such a strong, unbreakable woman on her knees as her body shuddered in emotional pain.

“Mordin was family,” Liara said softly behind her. Tina hadn’t heard the elevator open. “And Shepard _adored_ him.”

“I had no idea,” Tina replied, her throat tight as she watched the krogan and turian kneel on the floor next to Shepard.

“He was the closest thing she ever had to a father,” Liara said before pressing the button to darken the window. “And so is Anderson. Let them mourn in privacy,” Liara told her.

“How does she do this?” Tina asked, desperate to know how the person she just saw so broken can be so strong. “You’ve been in her mind, how does she keep going?”

“Because all she knows how to do is survive,” the asari replied before entering the elevator. “And she’ll keep going until there is no life left inside of her.”

That wasn’t healthy, Tina knew. But Shepard was mourning, mourning was healthy. 

Mourning was healthy.

With a sigh, she took the stairs to the crew deck. With Wrex gone, there was no way she’d be able to try to interview him again. But she did know the krogan was fiercely loyal to his sister. Tina was just hoping to dig a little deeper.

Victus had rarely left the warm room, but then his interview didn’t really matter where Shepard was concerned. Tina had been more interested in his views on the ship’s XO. But no matter, the leaders had more pressing matters to deal with.

The ‘grease monkey’s’, as they liked to refer to themselves, didn’t have anything new to add. Not outside of how well Shepard played cards and cared about her crew. But Tina already knew Shepard loved her crew, that was easy enough to see thanks to Lt. Vega.

Before she knew what was happening, Shepard’s rough and tired voice was calling all of her squad members to prep for battle. Cerberus was trying to take the Citadel.

It would be hours of tense fighting on Shepard’s end for them all to save the Councilor’s. And for Shepard to have to say goodbye to another friend. Tina gave the Commander privacy as Garrus carried her from the armory. Today was a hard day on the woman. But Tina understood now why Life Support still remained empty.

Ashley Williams, the now second human spectre, was someone that was showing extreme stress through the open channel. But when the woman showed up on the ship, she sounded like a completely different person. Tina didn’t understand how all these people were able to deal with an insane amount of pressure. Constant pressure. 

**Omnitool Recording…**

Tina: Second Lt. Williams, can I have a moment?

Ash: Yeah, I was told to expect you.

T: By who?

A: Shepard. What do you want to know?

T: Why didn’t you join Shepard on the last high-risk mission?

A: Because I was an idiot. I let my feeling get in the way of evidence.

T: You didn’t trust her?

A: No. 

T: And on the rooftop a few hours ago?

A: I had an epiphany I suppose. Udina was a slimy bastard on a good day. That was why Shepard named Anderson as a councilor. I had to connect the dots on evidence I didn’t have access to. But… _*quiet laugh*_ Shepard doesn’t lower her gun, ever. 

T: That was all it took for you to trust her?

A: Yes. 

T: Because she lowered her weapon?

A: Look, Special Forces are their own breed. Only the ones like Shepard have mastered compartmentalization. And I’ve never seen anyone do it as well as her. They don’t lower their weapons, they take out targets no matter the emotional feeling. By lowering her weapon, she was trusting me to see what was happening. I’ve only seen her do that one other time.

T: When?

A: Virmire. When Urdnot Wrex was close to turning against us. He trusted her. _A krogan_ trusted her when she told him they had to blow up a facility that probably held the cure for the genophage. 

T: So you trusted her when she told you Udina was dirty?

A: Yes.

T: How did that make you feel?

A: Aligned. 

T: Like you were indoctrinated?

A: No. _*soft chuckle*_ For one _perfect moment_ , all was right inside of me. I wasn’t alone, I melded once again to a woman I once considered my mentor. Being a big sister is hard. Having a big sister….that’s calming. Energizing, relieving, and so very illuminating to my soul. My heart, mind, and soul aligned.

T: That’s very poetic.

A: Life is poetic. So is family, love, struggle, loss. 

T: Thank you for your time, Second Lt.

**Recording Stopped.**

_Notes: I’m not even sure what to add to my notes on this interview. I’m still trying to wrap my head around how well the second human spectre has adjusted. But there is no doubt she radiates calm._


	12. Chapter 12

With a sigh, Tina closed her omnitool. Javik, the prothean, was classified. Unapproachable. And downright hateful. Steve Cortez had been kind, but very private. The pilot stated he’d already processed some things with Shepard’s help. But he thanked her anyway. 

Commander Shepard, a psychiatrist? 

Tina knew that running a crew held different responsibilities, but why would they not approach her for help? Why go to the Captain?

Perhaps this was a trust issue again. It was obvious they all trusted the commander far more than anyone else on the ship. But Tina was there for them. At least she tried to be. If only they’d see that.

* * *

A geth, there was a geth on board? And it spoke? How was this possible? 

Tina took a steadying breath. The ship was well passed insanity. Was there even a word for what that was? Then the news that Shepard had threatened one quarian after punching another in the war room. People were beginning to break under the strain. And Tina was just doing her best to stay caught up.

**Omnitool Recording…**

Tina: Legion, do you have a moment?

Legion: Affirmative.

T: How did you come to serve with Shepard?

L: We sought her alliance.

T: And she accepted it?

L: Affirmative.

T: Can I ask why you are wearing a piece of her armor?

L: There was a hole.

T: I understand, but why Shepard’s armor? Why not a piece of scrap from the original Normandy.

L: No data available.

T: Did wearing her armor make you feel closer to her?

L: No data available.

T: What are your feelings, or equivalent, for Shepard?

L: _*Machinery whirring*_ No data available.

T: Your tone sounded panicked. Did you just lie to me?

L: Yes.

T: Does Shepard treat you like she does the organic crew?

L: Yes.

T: Does that make you feel happy?

L: Geth do not have emotions.

T: *pause* Does it make your processes heat?

L: Yes.

T: Thank you, Legion.

**Recording Stopped.**

Tina couldn’t help a small chuckle. The geth obviously adored Shepard, even if it didn’t know its own ‘feelings’ on the matter.

* * *

When Tina sought out Tali, she was unable to find her. “EDI, where’s Tali?”

“Tali’Zorah vas Normandy is currently in the clean room with the Commander,” EDI replied. 

“What’s a clean room?” Tina asked.

“A clean room is where a quarian can be free of their suit, allowing them to bathe and attend to their hygiene.”

“But with quarian immune systems as they are, won’t Shepard’s presence affect her?” Tina asked, her heart clenching.

“No, the Commander and Tali had previously linked suits,” EDI answered.

“Uh, isn’t that insanely private?” Tina really wished she’d done more research on quarian customs.

“Yes, however, Tali considers Shepard a sister. The closeness is not unheard of between quarian families.”

The Normandy, a place for crash course learning in different species. At least that was what it felt like to Tina. It would be hours before Tali left the clean room. Tina’s ass was going numb as she waited on the stairs for the women to exit what she once thought a quarantine room. 

Commander Shepard was probably the only person to know what a quarian looked like. Tina was a little jealous.

The women exited the clean room laughing. Tina envied such closeness.

“Ms. Erickson, was there something you need?” Shepard asked, some of the warmth she had for the quarian entering her voice.

“I was just here to interview Tali, whenever she’s free.” Tina said gently, soaking up the calmness Shepard was displaying. She didn’t realize how much she’d been craving that. 

“She’s free now, but don’t take up too much of her time. I need her in engineering,” Shepard said before patting the quarian on the shoulder. 

**Omnitool Recording…**

Tina: You’ve been with Shepard since the beginning?

Tali: Yes. 

Tina: It’s my understanding she helped you complete a right of passage…

Tali: My pilgrimage, yes. It’s a right of passage into adulthood.

Tina: Why?

Tali: Because I gave her the evidence on Saren. She saved my life, I gave her the evidence, she became spectre, and in return she helped me complete my pilgrimage.

Tina: What about when she was affiliated with Cerberus?

TZ: I came for Shepard. Cerberus and quarians, well our history is tainted. But Shepard is Shepard. She was the first person to treat me as an equal. 

Tina: And what about during your stint on the Cerberus vessel?

TZ: She saved me from being labeled a traitor by my own people. Emptied a ship of activated geth, yelled at the admirals. _*digitized chuckle*_ And I took her ship name in honor of her loyalty to me. 

Tina: How did your people view you once you took a human ship name?

TZ: With respect. 

Tina: How did they view your captain?

TZ: With trepidation in the beginning because she brought Legion with her. She denied their request to experiment on him because he was different than other geth and in the same breath defended my honor. Admiral Xen may not like her, but Shepard has a way with people. The quarian people admire my Captain. They take her words to heart and her opinions are just as important as a quarian captain. 

TZ: Thank you for your time, Ms. Zorah.

Tali: It’s just Tali.

**Recording Stopped.**

* * *

Tina watched as Shepard said goodbye to her son. It really wasn’t any different than normal human parental relationships. The young krogan obviously loved the redhead. Tina really wanted to interview Shepard. More than anything, if only to learn more about why she was the way she was. But it didn’t feel right. Not with the end of the war on the horizon. Not with the Commander’s mind on making sure her crew was whole while they prepared for what could be their last days.

It really wasn’t something Tina wanted to think about. Dying. But it was there, in the back of her mind. A constant gentle reminder. 

Having seen her crumble after Mordin’s death, then again when Legion died, after Thessia fell…

Tina almost approached her to help her work through it. But Garrus appeared. And a broken Liara. Joker, Vega, Chakwas, Williams, Cortez, Tali…

All there for Shepard. An impossibly strong support system Tina hadn’t really noticed before. They go where she goes because they love her. And Shepard loves them. 

It had been eye opening. Shepard didn’t manipulate. She didn’t have to. The Commander genuinely cared about those around her. For the first time in Tina’s career, she was wrong. Not only a little wrong, but totally and completely wrong.

No, she wouldn’t talk to the Commander. Tina would let the Commander soak up the strength her crew was willingly offering to her. They all depended on each other. Tina had no intention of breaking the closeness that kept the entire crew of one mind.

_Admiral Hackett,_

_It is my opinion that the crew of the Normandy is in sound mental health. They exhibit many concerning attitudes and behavior’s that would normally make me state otherwise, however, under the guidance of their trusted Captain, they all seem to be adjusting well to the increasing pressure placed upon them._

_Shepard herself concerns me. I’ve watched her slowly bend under the weight the galaxy is placing on her small shoulders. I have not interviewed her, per my own decision. I have no desire to add more stress as the war heads into the final stages where she is expected to lead. Her mate, Mr. Vakarian, has taken it upon himself to make sure she’s rested, as I have witnessed many times. Their closeness has benefitted the Commander greatly. As has the closeness of the entire crew._

_I have only began to understand the pull Shepard has. Her aura and personality are…powerful to say the least. I was concerned she used her position to manipulate, however after many hours of observing and speaking with the crew, I concluded my assumptions incorrect._

_With the end of the war looming, I know this report holds little bearing. I understand that all hands absolutely have to be on deck._

_But…after all I have witnessed I just have this only thought left: Should Shepard not survive, she should be remembered as her _crew_ views her and not as what was shown in vids. All my reports have been backed up in several places should the worse come to pass. And should we win._

_With Respect,  
Tina Erickson_


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the last chapter, my dears. Thanks so much for the kudos and comments. I do hope you've enjoyed the fic!
> 
> I have several fics in the works but none are ready to be posted. With 2 of my kids, my nephew, and my birthday this month, it'll be busy. Nothing like planning a surprise sweet 16!
> 
> Don't forget to check out the new kinkmeme location and participate by writing some fills!
> 
> https://masseffectkink.dreamwidth.org/9443.html?page=30#comments

_One Year Later…_

The strain of getting back to earth almost did her in. At one time she valued herself as the most level-headed, stress accepting person there was. But that was before the Normandy. Before the enigma that is Shepard. 

With the ship docked and the crew helping with anything they could on the Citadel, she’d been left with a lot of time to go back through all of her sessions with the crew from the last year. It was ridiculous how much she tried to fight it. Tried to fight pull that was Shepard. 

And Garrus. The poor turian had been so amazingly strong for the crew while they were in the dark trying to get back to the Sol system after the crucible fired. He kept the crew together. Tina was sure the entire Normandy wept when they heard news of _her_ survival. Then an inhale as if the ship was starving for air. The crew stood straighter, their goals sharper as they raced home through the void. It was truly an inspiring sight. For the first time, Tina was proud to be part of it. To have seen all of it even if she was still _Ms. Erickson, outsider_.

“You wanted to talk with me?”

Tina dropped the datapad onto the mess hall table. How could a krogan walk so quietly? “Yes, Grunt.” This was purely for her own curiosities. With the war won and the well-adjusted Commander slowly healing, there was no need for her services. There just wasn’t anywhere to put her yet. Clean-up took precedence.

“What do you want?”

Straight to the point, she appreciated that. “It’s my understanding that Shepard birthed you and took it upon herself to raise you.”

“Yes.”

“What’s it like having a human for a mother?” Tina asked him.

Grunt sat down, the chair whining under his weight as he opened his omnitool and showed her a holo. “My mother is the best battlemaster there is.” Grunt scanned to the next one. “Powerful, terrifying, and intelligent.”

“I agree,” Tina said as she took in the holo of their thresher maw defeat she’d heard about in passing.

“But she’s more than that,” he told her, his voice warming when his slid his finger across to the next holo. “She loving, compassionate, and kind.”

Tina smiled as she took in the holo of mother and son laughing as they failed to shape the clay. Then another of the commander and krogan huddled over the mess hall table, datapads in their hands. 

“She’s a warrior and teacher. A mother and leader.” Grunt said as he closed his omnitool. 

“She loves you,” Tina told him.

“And I love her.” He replied as he stood. “Shepard doesn’t have a title to me. _She is._

Tina watched him walk away as quietly as he came. _She is._ He said it as simply as he inhaled. His unspoken words saying what everyone thought, what she herself thought:

She is the sun, she is the stars, she is the air, she is the earth. She is life, and she is death. She is loss and she is victory. She is resurrection and she is love and heartache and passion and laughter. She is.

“ _Doctor_ Erickson,” Shepard said warmly in greeting as she moved to the main battery in her hover chair.

“Commander,” Tina returned affectionately. 

Grunt was right, she thought, as she watched the impossibly strong and compassionate woman enter her mates work space. She is everything.

“She is,” Tina whispered with a small smile, her throat burning with suppressed emotion. “She is.”


End file.
